I'll admit it.  I'm shy.  I'm probably the shyest person you'll ever see.  The only amount of socializing I do outside of my own family is writing this blog, commenting other people's blogs, and putting up stories online.  Occasionally I'll join a forum in hopes of breaking out of my solitude and miraculously recovering from my shyness.  But once I join a forum I stop there.  I rarely move on beyond two or three posts.

I recently joined IMVU, that really cool three-dimensional chatroom, so I could try and socialize with other people my age group.  Not happening.  As soon as I'm in one room I become timid and start feeling very, very awkward.  Thoughts start running in my head, "What if I say something stupid?  What if I do something stupid?"  I've always wanted to say something bold like, "Yo!  How's it going, people?" but always resort to a meek, shy, "Hi."  Hi?  Hi!  And then there's this looooooooong awkward pause where the other person says nothing and I know I'm expected to say something, but I don't have really anything to say beyond, "Hi." 

What the hell?!  I join up forums, chatrooms, in hopes of easing out of my shell, and all I say is, Hi?!.  I know unless I stop feeling ashamed of myself I can socialize and have fun like a normal person.  Sometimes I find myself blaming people in my life for causing me to be timid online and in public.  But the fault is mine.  I'm a perfectionist.  I must be "perfect" in front of everyone.  I must act the same, be the same - I cannot be me and stand out, because I find myself ashamed of my true self because it isn't perfect.

Is there anyone else struggling like me?  Someone who has tried over and over again without fully succeeding?

Getting on Xanga.

   

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

I had to clean my rats' cage today.  The male rate; Naruto - found out ways to climb down the table leg and wander around on the carpet.  I didn't mind as much as I would a gerbil getting lose - rats are slower and less hyperactive than gerbils.  It was easy catching him. 

I was watching the newest Simpson episode and one of the characters at the end looked an awful lot like Jirobou from Naruto (y'know, the fat guy from Sound Five during the Sasuke Retrieval arc).  I pointed him out to my sis and she was like, "That's cool!"

Yes, I'm back on Xanga.  Currently I'm a 22-year-old single woman living in an apartment with her family.  I have a job at KOHLs (seasonal bagger, but I want to officially work there), am going to WKCT in January, and hopefully soon I'll get my learner's permit to start driving.  Sorry folks, this girl doesn't have her license yet.  Shocker, huh?  I always felt bad that I still don't have a license, but I'm intimidated by learning how to drive, so, yeah...